Everyone has at one time or another experienced a painful feeling of embarrassment over another person’s action. It seems that someone else is being disgraced, but you want to run away or become invisible. It is paradoxical that we can be ashamed of someone who himself does not feel awkward – this is Spanish shame.
The origin of this term is not exactly known. There are several versions, the most plausible seems to be a reference to the UK in the late 90s. At that time, monstrously implausible Spanish TV series were playing on the screens. The absurdity of the plots and the awkwardness of the acting caused an acute sense of shame in the audience. They were embarrassed for the creators of such nonsense.
Who experiences Spanish shame?
People who are prone to such a phenomenon as “merger” are most susceptible to this phenomenon. They do not separate themselves from the world around them; everything that happens around them is related to them. Thus, they take part of the blame for what is happening and experience enormous stress.
Social barriers contribute. Not everyone can fool around, make mistakes, look stupid, while remaining themselves. Many people are constrained by such manifestations. Having witnessed someone’s liberation, they unconsciously refuse to accept it. Thus rejecting your true “I”, experiencing fear of rejection and other traumatic emotions.
In some cases, Spanish shame is accompanied by a number of physical manifestations. Fever, redness, sweating, trembling.
Particularly sensitive people experience the full range of embarrassing emotions when watching films or TV series. Even realizing that everything that is happening is staged, they cannot cope with the feeling of awkwardness.
Scientific language
It has been proven that empathic embarrassment is an important mental function. In the process of evolution, the brain developed, reactions were formed depending on the needs of the individual.
It is easy to assume that the ability to read and experience the emotions of others initially developed as a protective collective function. Simply put, one person in the tribe was afraid of the rustling, the rest considered his reaction and began to act more carefully, thereby preventing the attack of the wild beast. Over time, in addition to key defensive reactions, empathy developed in all its diversity and thus, people got empathic embarrassment.
Disable Spanish shame option
For most people, empathic embarrassment is akin to goosebumps or other strange sensations.
For an anxious personality type, the situation is somewhat different. Spanish shame will cause distress and will be repeated over and over again, undermining the psyche and exacerbating the already anxious state. Unfortunately, it is not possible to disable the Spanish shame option. It’s part of our human wiring, one of the many facets of empathy. The good news is that the reactions caused by empathic embarrassment are amenable to self-regulation techniques and are minimized.
Recipe for a calm life
A tablespoon of cognitive therapy, a pinch of awareness from Gestalt therapy, several relaxation practices, add critical thinking to taste.
Reframing is an excellent practice from cognitive therapy. If it is not possible to change something, change your attitude towards it. If Spanish shame cannot be turned off or measured, you just need to look at this phenomenon from a different angle. By changing your attitude towards this phenomenon, your feelings and consequences will automatically change. You can act as a researcher or observer. Say within yourself that this feeling “highlights” previously unobvious nuances that are worth paying attention to. For example, if the reaction is very strong, then the owner of this reaction is an empathic person, capable of empathizing and feeling others.
Awareness will help separate areas of responsibility and set boundaries. Someone else’s shame is outside your zone of influence. You cannot be responsible for this. Other people’s actions have nothing to do with you. The emotional consequences of these actions should also remain outside your boundaries.
Relaxation through simple breathing practices helps a lot when you feel like Spanish shame is about to overwhelm you. For example, square breathing. Each action for four counts: inhale for 4 seconds, pause for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds. A very simple and always accessible exercise: take a deep breath and exhale, repeat three times.
Critical thinking. People tend to exaggerate everything. This gives rise to anxiety, which in turn exaggerates everything to critical levels, causing panic. It is important not to let this develop. Stop in self-inflation and think about what the consequences of what you see might actually be. And for the one who found himself in a ridiculous situation, and for you. As a rule – none. People around you will joke or laugh and forget in a second.
